I feel one will never belong due to personal growth. I learn from my mistakes and form new healthier habits. Change is not a bad thing if it’s for the best. To belong with a certain group you do what they do, which limits growth. Personal growth never allows you to remain the same person. Ultimately no one will ever belong, since no one remains the same.
I have never met anyone that does not have a problem with someone else. The problems range from minor to enormous. Most people do not know how to put problems in the past or perspective. They allow issues to fester, turning themselves to monsters. Angry people walk around straight-faced ready to snap. This is not what you see, but most of us feel this way. Problems worsen as we internalize and hide from reality. I watch people on and off my reservation do this all the time.
Neither ethnicity nor your origin matter; you’ve seen this happen. Personal problems seem to prevent a person from truly belonging. Most people cannot handle being by themselves for a long time. Some of us try to “fit in” with others or just someone else. In the process, one does whatever is necessary to belong. Then, if the person is smart, he or she just might realize they are merely making someone else happy rather than themselves.
When you don’t feel happy inside, these emotions seem to influence negative thoughts. One could set one’s mind in a positive direction. Self-reflection allows one to skip a negative thought to leap towards the positive instead. Whether it is ignorance, racism, or basic math to win a battle you must keep your cool. Think about who is going to have the first thought not punch.
Ignorant people do not use their mind before they speak, write, or blog. Some pay close attention and some seem to pay no attention at all. To “fit in” in the world today you must keep your cool. Allow people to think they know you to prevail. In the end, it is only you and your family participating in the magical, “circle of life”.
Wow, you've given me a lot to think about.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever studied or practiced Buddhism? Some of your ideas would work well in a Buddhist framework, and since it is techinically a philisophy and not a religion- it doesn't have to conflict with any spiritual tradition.
Ok, that would be "technically" and "philosophy"....pretty bad for an English teacher not to check her spelling before posting....doh!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I was further reflecting on what you said about fitting in, and thinking about who are we trying to fit in with- who sets the standards we are trying to fit into? I mean if none of us ever truly fits in, then what/whose standard are we trying to fit into?
There seems to be ideals or some agreements in some groups about who belongs or doesn't, yet if none of the people agreeing to these standards don't actually fit them or will soon grow out of them....Ok, I think I am overthinking this and doing my head in for no particularly good reason.
Once again though, thanks for the great post, each paragraph has something to "intellectually chew on", as we say in academia!
I think you are right on...if we do not "fit-in' in own skin then it makes hard to "fit-in" anywhere else. We are all unique and experience changes...always. I also think it is important to keep your "cool" or composure so that people will listen to your opinions, views or ideas. People usuually do not respond to anger. It is sad that we try so hard to fit into specific groups so badly that we start to lose who we are and who we want to be. I am now just realizing that I need to be able to be comfortable in my own skin and the rest will follow....
ReplyDeleteI've always felt like "If I don't love myself, why should anyone else"?
ReplyDeletemelissaestelle,
ReplyDeleteI have never practiced Buddhism. I try to understand the way of life to ease my mind. It keeps me from going crazy inside. On the other hand life is what you make of it. You can make wise choices or none at all.
I think as an adding comment to your "Ignorant people do not use their mind before they speak, write, or blog"...that intelligent or smart people can be equally as ignorant. It's possible to have an intelligent person also be a fool or narrow-minded, albeit on a different level. I think the assumption, or hope, is that as we are educated throughout life we decrease our personal amount of ignorance. But for some people that's never the case. I have met people, intelligent and wonderful-seeming who were in actuality very ignorant themselves...
ReplyDelete...Just a comment! I know I read it rather late, but that's okay :)
I agree that people will always have problems with each other. However, I believe that these problems are due to how we are taught to think and the kind of culture we were raised in. These factors make us different in how we operate. So disagreements with each other just means that we think differently; and who knows, maybe a little disagreement with each other is healthy.
ReplyDeleteExcellent topic, personally I just try putting myself in others shoes and convince myself i am them so that I can develop a realistic view, or at least as good as it can get.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same about personal growth. I feel like the more I do, the more I isolate myself from the group or the norm. The more exepriences I have, the more people I meet, makes me feel even more different. I consistantly try to find someone exactly like me so that I may "fit in". I have yet to find that person. "To “fit in” in the world today you must keep your cool." Reads true. Without keeping your cool almost everyone would go around punching each other for their minor differences.
ReplyDeletePutting yourself in someone elses shoes is sometimes a very difficult task!
ReplyDelete